moonglowWhat are your shoe sizes? A Single Mom's Blog
December 18th 2008 04:46
My baby boy is better than sex, better than a career, fame and wealth put together, better than anything else this world has to offer.
Not sacrifice but yes a lot of it; Not drudgery but it feels just like it.
To care for an infant that is completely dependent on you for its survival and emotional nurturing; to lay him flat between your breasts under the morning sun and feel the physical burst of joy pulsating from your heart; to watch him grow a little each day in interaction with a world you so carefully built for him, rising somehow to every challenge and overcoming difficulties -- is a gift.
It’s really being reborn myself, appreciating the world as a child again even as I stare menopause in the eye and just flash it a smile.
With a straight face I declare: my son’s birth allowed me to grasp and share the divine impulse for Creation.
However, I must confess as well that freedom from "bringing up" (to speed) the other man-child, ie, the father, is also bliss.
I hope this blog is not misunderstood to be some form of man-hating spree. I hold nothing against the biological father and will be good friends with this man till i get over peri-, proper- and post- menopause while he will get over his (but that will be something worth seeing).
The maternal instinct I feel exclusively for this child is something I have no right to expect from anyone else, certainly not even the father even though they are also genetically bonded.
And so, I consciously cultivate a bond between the child and his absent father. We get a big kick out of identifying each body part as being mom’s or dad’s contribution.
I exert effort to make the child understand that the infrequent visit, although painful as it approaches its end, is not equivalent to a lack of love or caring for him by his father. It is just one difficult circumstance in a life that is otherwise joyful.
When the time comes that he must know his father better, I hope to share that joy with him as well.
I guess, the boy understands from the love he first learned from his own mother.
He sings in the bath and is a marvel at entertaining himself with the depth of imagination that an "only child" develops an aptitude for.
Self-esteem is built this way. Call it EQ if you like.
I observe this confidence in the way my child makes and keeps friends and with the way he stands his own ground with bullies or vexing children or even his own mother pestering him with daily 20 minute modules to read and write in a hundred easy lessons. At first pre-school day he showed no separation anxiety but only a sense of adventure.
Although I won't idealize or fictionalize him. Being an only child of a working mom, he of course has attention deficiency from Disney and Cartoon Network channels. I had to cut cable when he turned 7. (I have to do a sequel of this when I get the time as the boy is now 8 with his grades hanging by a thread and me tutoring from the "home office". The Dad, after an extended visit, wants to come live with us but still has to work a lot of things out.)
For these reasons I highly recommend parenting to everyone with simple advice: put love well in advance and well in priority over discipline.
Listen to your child, he teaches you more about life and love than you think you already know. If you're lucky, you’ll get a million hugs in return and you might even get a 6 year old losing sleep over your few and far between girls night in such touching adult-like concern.
So come home early and embrace your son and each moment with him.
The childhood goes by so fast and before you know it another heartrending shoe size is due and its you who'se getting the hand-me-down shoe!!
Not sacrifice but yes a lot of it; Not drudgery but it feels just like it.
To care for an infant that is completely dependent on you for its survival and emotional nurturing; to lay him flat between your breasts under the morning sun and feel the physical burst of joy pulsating from your heart; to watch him grow a little each day in interaction with a world you so carefully built for him, rising somehow to every challenge and overcoming difficulties -- is a gift.
It’s really being reborn myself, appreciating the world as a child again even as I stare menopause in the eye and just flash it a smile.
With a straight face I declare: my son’s birth allowed me to grasp and share the divine impulse for Creation.
However, I must confess as well that freedom from "bringing up" (to speed) the other man-child, ie, the father, is also bliss.
I hope this blog is not misunderstood to be some form of man-hating spree. I hold nothing against the biological father and will be good friends with this man till i get over peri-, proper- and post- menopause while he will get over his (but that will be something worth seeing).
The maternal instinct I feel exclusively for this child is something I have no right to expect from anyone else, certainly not even the father even though they are also genetically bonded.
And so, I consciously cultivate a bond between the child and his absent father. We get a big kick out of identifying each body part as being mom’s or dad’s contribution.
I exert effort to make the child understand that the infrequent visit, although painful as it approaches its end, is not equivalent to a lack of love or caring for him by his father. It is just one difficult circumstance in a life that is otherwise joyful.
When the time comes that he must know his father better, I hope to share that joy with him as well.
I guess, the boy understands from the love he first learned from his own mother.
He sings in the bath and is a marvel at entertaining himself with the depth of imagination that an "only child" develops an aptitude for.
Self-esteem is built this way. Call it EQ if you like.
I observe this confidence in the way my child makes and keeps friends and with the way he stands his own ground with bullies or vexing children or even his own mother pestering him with daily 20 minute modules to read and write in a hundred easy lessons. At first pre-school day he showed no separation anxiety but only a sense of adventure.
Although I won't idealize or fictionalize him. Being an only child of a working mom, he of course has attention deficiency from Disney and Cartoon Network channels. I had to cut cable when he turned 7. (I have to do a sequel of this when I get the time as the boy is now 8 with his grades hanging by a thread and me tutoring from the "home office". The Dad, after an extended visit, wants to come live with us but still has to work a lot of things out.)
For these reasons I highly recommend parenting to everyone with simple advice: put love well in advance and well in priority over discipline.
Listen to your child, he teaches you more about life and love than you think you already know. If you're lucky, you’ll get a million hugs in return and you might even get a 6 year old losing sleep over your few and far between girls night in such touching adult-like concern.
So come home early and embrace your son and each moment with him.
The childhood goes by so fast and before you know it another heartrending shoe size is due and its you who'se getting the hand-me-down shoe!!
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